EXAM FEVER...........

Exams are approaching and you are very busy studying. Just take some time off and answer the following questions.

-      Are you able to organize your time well?

-      Are you postponing your preparations though you know you it’s the right time to start?

-      Are you trying to understand the material but not 

    able to comprehend?

-      Are you not able to concentrate?

-      Are you spending more time thinking ‘what if I am not able to perform well in the exams?

If you say yes to any of the above statements then you are not alone. There are millions of students who think just like you.

This thinking is actually the 'Exam Anxiety.'

It is normal to feel mild anxiety when exams are near. Rather it is necessary. 

Mild level of tension-  

- motivates you to study. 

- increases your determination and concentration. 

- improves your decision-making, problem-solving and time-management skills.

While high level of tension is overwhelming and interferes with your studies as well as your performance in the exams.

When you are highly anxious you-

-  may not be able to focus and organize your thoughts.

- may not not be able to recall important concepts.

- may not be able to understand the questions.

- may feel that your mind becomes blank.

In addition you may develop other symptoms like-

Headache                                                                                                                                                                              

Insomnia 

Upset stomach                                                                      

Increased heart rate 

 Increased perspiration

Sweaty hands

 Frustration                                                                              

Fear of failure 

Nail biting                                                                                 

Mood swings 

Panic and hopelessness                                                         

Excessive daydreaming

Increase or decrease in appetite                                             

Procrastination 

Negative self defeating thoughts                           

Escaping behaviors like increase in partying or rooming here and there without work. etc.

Now the question is, can we do something to reduce the exam- anxiety?

The answer is YES !! 

In my next blog I will share some of the well proven strategies to reduce your exam anxiety.

Play Therapy......................................

No single definition can fully comprehend the meaning of play. Rather all the definitions somehow overlap to give it a complete essence. Here are some of very interesting definitions of Play are-

Natural play has been described as 'pleasurable', 'intrinsically complete', 'independent from external rewards or other people', 'non-judgmental', 'with no goal', and 'person dominated.' 

Natural play has another interesting quality that it does not occur     in novel or frightening situation.  



Play is also explained as a 'process of development for a child.' 

It is considered as the mechanism for developing 'Problem-solving skills and competence skills.'






It is a process that allows children to' mentally digest' experiences and situations (Piaget,1969). 

It is an 'emotional laboratory' in which a child learns to cope with his/her environment (Erikson,1963). 

Play is a way that the child talks, with 'toys as his words' (Ginott,1961) 

It is a way to deal with behaviors and concerns through 'playing it out.' (Erikson,1963). 


Play is a natural medium for self expression that facilitates a child's communication and allows for a cathartic release of feelings. 

It is renewing and it is constructive, and it is also allows the adult a window to observe the child's world. 

Due to above mentioned qualities of play, it has become an appropriate modality for therapeutic intervention with children. 

Play allows children to:

- Use their most natural way of communication to express their experiences, worries, anxieties and concerns


- Find options that they may not have thought of otherwise.

- Develop a sense of control, a sense of confidence, a sense of power over their lives.

- Develop better interpersonal skills that facilitate their overall healthy adjustment. 

- Once children develop a sense of mastery over themselves and their behavior their self-worth becomes positive.

Difference between play & play therapy:

- In a play therapy the therapist builds a therapeutic relationship with the child in a way that the child starts internalizing a very different perception of self. 

- The therapist responds to the child as being adequate and the child starts to see himself as being adequate.

- The therapist cares and appreciates the child and the child starts to internalize that 'I am a person worthy of being cared for', 'I am lovable.' 

In the long run as the child begins to experience himself as being more adequate, more worthy, more lovable, he himself starts finding answers for his questions. 

It is very important to know that to develop this kind of therapeutic relationship with the child, where play becomes the child's language to convey his inner world and a medium for healing, an intensive training in mental health is required.

Styles of Play Therapy:

There are many styles of play therapy based on various theoretical orientations. However all the therapies can be groped under two main types-

- Directive:  'Making people change'

The therapist structures and creates the play situation, assumes responsibility for guidance and interpretation of play and leads the child in directions that are seen as beneficial. 

-Non-Directive or client centered or Non-intrusive-  'Helping people change'

it is a Humanistic Play Therapy developed by Axline (1969) based on the assumption that child will realize his/her  self-hood via his/her own map.

The therapist leaves the responsibility and direction of the play on the child. 

The child is allowed and encouraged to choose toys to play with and is given the freedom to develop or terminate any particular theme.

Non intrusive therapy has proved to be very effective with children in developing their self-actualizing potentials. However, sometimes both the styles are used in different phases of therapy depending on the clinical judgement of the therapist. 

Following are some of the issues addressed in play therapy:

• low self-esteem
• aggressiveness
• sadness
• anxiety
• nightmares
• social phobia
• difficulty playing in an age-appropriate way
• attention and engagement problems
• clumsiness
• separation problems
• withdrawn behavior
• self-consciousness
• misbehavior in school
• difficulty with peers
• lying
• temper tantrums
• adjustment to death, divorce, new baby, various handicaps
• sibling of a child with special needs
• sibling rivalry. 

Personal Development Workshop's pictures.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT !!!

DON'T WE ALL..........................
(Author unknown)

" I was parked in front of a mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was was waiting for my wife to get out of work.
Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum.

From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money,

There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don't want to be bothered.

This was one of those "don't want to be bothered times."

"I hope he doesn't ask me for any money." I thought.

He didn't.

He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn't look like he could have enough money even ride the bus.

After a few minutes he spoke. "That's a very pretty car" he said.

He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him.

I said, "Thanks," and continued wiping off my car.

He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came.

As the silence between us widened something inside me said, "Ask him if he needs any help."

I was sure that he would say "yes" but I held true of the inner voice.

"Do you need any help?" I asked.

He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget.

We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments.

I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me.

"Don't we all?" he said.

I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important above a bum in the street until those three words hit me like a missile.

Don't we All? I needed help. Maybe not for the bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help.

Don't we all?

What are you thoughts on this?

DEEP-MUSCLE-RELAXATION....

RELAX- 'Anytime-Anywhere."

When we are stressed we feel tension in our muscles. If we learn to relax our body, we are better prepared to handle stressful situations.

With 'Deep-Muscle-Relaxation' you can relax your entire body.

The most important point to remember is to ‘Slow-Down' and 'focus' on the process and 'be in the present moment' while you are tensing and relaxing various muscle groups.

The process is very simple. Once you are trained you can create your own plan.

-      You can do one round.

-      You can do multiple rounds.
-      You can make a short plan by including only large muscles.
-      You can make an extensive plan by including large and small muscles.

-      You can fix a time and do it on regular basis.

-      You can do it whenever and wherever you feel stressed.

Step by Step Process-

-     First, sit down or lie down and close your eyes. (You can do it without closing your eyes).

-     Breathe slowly and deeply. Focus you mind on your breathing as you inhale and exhale. Do it at  least for 10 seconds.

-     Follow the order as mentioned in the chart or follow the reverse order.

-     Tense/tighten (not strain) your muscles as you inhale, hold for 5 seconds and relax as you exhale.

-     Take 10 seconds deep breathing break as you move on from one muscle group to the next.

-     After you finish the process, let your body go loose.

-     Experience the complete body and mind relaxation. Stay in this state for 10 seconds.

-   You will find yourself revived and refreshed and ready to take the new challenges.

Note: If you have any medical issue please do consult your doctor before you start practicing ‘Deep-Muscle- Relaxation.’ 

ARE YOU ASSERTIVE..................

ARE YOU………………

Read the following statements and think ………………

  1. You say ‘Yes’ to requests of others when you really want to say ‘No’.

  2.  It is ‘hard’ for you to ‘decide.’

  3.  It is ‘difficult’ for you to ‘express your feelings’ especially your discontentment with a friend or family member.

4.  You find it ‘hard’ to ‘express opinions’ that are different from other people’s opinions.

5.  You are ‘unable to share’ something ‘positive about yourself.’

6.  It is ‘difficult’ for you to ‘ask for help.’

7.  You ‘do not speak up’ in a group.

8.  You find it ‘difficult’ to ‘accept a compliment.’

 

If you say ‘yes’ on any of these statements then you are a passive person. In other words, you are not ‘assertive’.

Being assertive means a person-

Has the ability to speak up for self without violating the rights of others.

-He/she directly and honestly expresses his/her feelings opinions and does not blame or accuse others.

-He/she takes responsibility for his/her thoughts, feelings and actions and does not hold others’ responsible for them.

Does being assertive sounds like being aggressive?

If you say yes. then you are not alone. There are thousands of people who think in the same way.

But the two are very different from each other.

Though being aggressive also means having the ability to speak  up for oneself yet it is very different.  When one is aggressive, one violates the rights of others. One lets-down, humiliates, blames and accuses others. In other words one shifts the responsibility of one’s own thoughts, feelings and actions on others.

An aggressive person makes all the decisions and assumes that others have no rights to make a decision or choice. 

He/she is obsessed with power and control.  

An assertive person values and respects his/her rights and the rights of others-

-      The right to make decisions.

-      The right to have opinions.

-      The right to make choices.

-      The right to have different needs, aspirations and goals.

-      The right to be human and to make mistakes.  

-      And last but not the least, the right to have others respect ‘my’ human rights. 

It is very important to know that assertiveness is a skill and anyone can learn to be assertive !!!

STRESS BUSTERS (iii)......................................

Have you tried the priority setting and decision making techniques? If not, at least try it for a week.

I am sure you will notice that your productivity has improved. Reason is clear. With priority setting and decision-making, you will know what is important for you. Your mind will be free of cluttering thoughts. Your focus, concentration and involvement to do the task will increase.

There is another important method to bust stress and anxiety and that is-

“Living in the present moment.”

There is no new activity to be learned here. The only skill that needs to be learned is to 'slow- down'.

Slow down at least for some time in a day so that you can be more aware of the present moment, be completely involved in it and able to experience the joy of being in it.  

Meditation is one of the best ways to ‘slow-down and calm your mind. Various researches have proved that it helps in the healing of mind and body. In meditation you train your mind to focus on one thing. One of the ways is to focus on your breathing. If you master deep breathing then you can relax your mind anytime anywhere and in any situation.

Taking time out of your busy schedule and focusing on what you have and being grateful for that and proactively helping others increase your overall well being and prepare you to deal effectively with your frustration, stress, anger, jealousy and depression. Researchers have found that pro-social behavior increases positive emotions in people and they express less negative emotion in stressful situations. You can test the validity of these findings very easily. Help someone and see how you feel.  

Everyday activities can also help us relieve anxiety and stress. I am mentioning only some of these. You can choose some of the activities mentioned below or can make your own list.  

But remember to ‘slow-down’ while doing those activities and remember the underline objective to learn to “focus on the present moment.”

   

An activity as simple as, preparing a nice cup of tea and while drinking, appreciating its color, aroma and taste can be very relaxing. 

Same is with cooking. Color, aroma and taste of the vegetables, fruits, and spices can uplift your mood and calm your nerves.

Writing can be very relieving. Writing helps you express your feelings, thoughts, and experiences in a constructive way. You get more clarity about yourself when you write. Find a quiet corner in your home and start writing whatever comes to your mind and break that frozen sea within!!

Reading is another effective way to relax. It will take your mind away from day- to-day distractions and fuel your knowledge, imagination and creativity. Reading stories can be very cathartic. Life histories will not only motivate and inspire you but also help you deal with your stressful situations. Reading will also help you connect to the world and broaden your world view.

Reading is no less than a time machine.

We are social beings and it is very important for us to remain connected with each other. Meaningful and healthy relationships work as a buffer in challenging times. Like plants, relationships require attention and care. The most effective way to nurture a relationship is to ‘be fully present’, actively listen, accept and express yourself. 

May it be your friend, spouse, parents, siblings, children, extended family or other significant people in your life. When you are with them, slow-down and enjoy their presence and create beautiful memories.   

The list of activities can be endless. Make your own choice. Just keep in mind the final objective that is to slow- down and be in the present moment.